A Mother's Log by Marie Bellet

I never expected that one of my sons would want to be a soldier. I do not know why it was such a surprise. Looking back through old photo albums, I can see that he was always in uniform. From Superman PJs to Scout uniforms to the camouflage shirts, canteens and cap guns, I guess it should have been obvious. It is just that neither my husband nor I had any military in our backgrounds. When my son announced that he wanted to attend WestPoint I secretly hoped that he would not get in. It is terrifying for a mother to imagine her child in battle. But he did get in. It wasn’t long before we loaded up the 15 passenger van and made the drive from Nashville to check the place out. Entering the Academy we had to pass through a rather sobering checkpoint at a gate called Stony Lonesome. As a songwriter I thought: “Wow, what a cool sounding name!” As a mother I thought: “… Oh…no…!” I knew there would be a lot to contemplate in that name, and I knew it had to be a song. Stony Lonesome is a mother’s reflection on having a soldier son.

The military life makes it very obvious that your children are not your own. You form your child’s conscience in faith and high ideals, you protect their heart for the rigors of sacrificial love, you teach them to do what is right no matter what and then…you let them go. A soldier has to see things, know things and do things that he cannot tell anyone, not even his closest family and friends. He sacrifices the shared history we take for granted. But he gains a shared purpose with his fellow soldiers, which is a bond few feel in civilian life. He enters a world that casual cocktail conversation does not understand, and he takes on that isolation. He reminds us by his strength and vulnerability that we are all called to be part of something much larger than ourselves. All of our big talk about “Thy will be done” is laid bare. What a gift it is to have a soldier son!

It took me four years to write Stony Lonesome. For all of you with a soldier in the family, I hope you will recognize yourselves in this song. May God bless our soldiers and their families.

Stony Lonesome

V1
Round about this time he’d be wrestling with his brothers
Snapping towels at each other
On a front porch Friday night
He can almost hear them singing as they do the dishes
Making plans and making wishes
That he’ll get home all right
And he’d do anything to be there
To feel the laughter and smell the night air

V2
Another world away he stands strong at Stony Lonesome
To be sure the boy has grown some
Since he left Tennessee
A little harder in the jaw, a little broader in the shoulder
Now he looks just like a soldier
Being all that he can be
It’s all for one and one for all
He’s on the line when duty calls

Chorus 1
Stony Lonesome, he can see their faces in the night
Too tired to make the move to go upstairs
Solving the world’s problems by the kitchen table light
But he is Stony Lonesome dreaming of the night

V3
What happens to a man when he steps out in that field
And life gets really real
And he’s got to make the grade?
What happens to a heart, must it turn to stone
Will he always feel alone
Familiar faces far away?
Or will he see his brother in
Every man who stands with him ?

Chorus 2
Stony Lonesome he will be there late into the night
Swapping stories, telling jokes, a secret prayer
Solving the worlds problems by a soldier’s lantern light
Stony Lonesome dreaming of the night

Bridge 1
Stony Lonesome, sleep tight
Wake to fight the good fight
With brothers to your left and right
Who could be Stony Lonesome?

Instrumental
Its all for one and one for all
He’s on the line when duty calls

Chorus 3
Stony Lonesome, she will be there late into the night
Rocking her sweet baby in her prayers
Solving the world’s problems by a vigil candle light
Stony Lonesome dreaming of the night

Bridge 2
Stony Lonesome, sleep tight
Somewhere ‘neath the stars tonight
Till God brings you home all right
We are all Stony Lonesome
Stony Lonesome dreaming of the night

Copyright 2011 Ordinary Time Music

A few years back my firstborn left home for college. It should have been great news for me- he had worked hard and gained admission to his top choice school- a happy ending to 18 years of worry and care. So how come whenever I found myself alone all I could do was cry? The other mothers at the school kept acting like they were SO relieved to have it over with. What?!

It was not like I had an empty nest. I had seven more at home and a new baby boy born a few weeks after the first one left. But it seemed like saying goodbye to the first one changed everything about what I had been doing for the last eighteen years. And it seemed like I could no longer relate to chirpy and optimistic young mothers who thought that if they did everything just right, their children would never have to suffer the slings and arrows of real life. I was stunned speechless. I could no longer write. I was in over my head. You pour yourself into your child for eighteen years, there is a big going away party, then silence. I was glad I didn’t know about this part when I got into the whole thing. And now I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know.

Detachment. You hear the word. It sounds noble and brave. It is really hard. What was I thinking? You don’t get to know how it is going to turn out. You just give them to God. I would rather fold their laundry and hear their stories and wonder why they can’t keep their room straight. This is the big time and boy, does it put you in your place!

After three years I decided that I had to write again. Just go from real life, like you always do, I told myself. How can I do that? I have nothing to say. Well, lets start there. That is what this song is-a first timid foray into detachment. I am starting to get the hang of it. I hope that someday I will like it.

Nothing to Say
V1
Nothing to say since you went away
I sweep the floor, stare out that door
This house, it seems peaceful and clean
The laundry’s done, but where the fun?

I always knew there would come a day
The world would come calling for you
I’d have to stand there and smile and wave
While my heart was just breaking in two

V2
Friends come around, I can’t be found
I stay in bed, over my head
I thought I knew about loving you
I didn’t know about letting go

Lizards and laughter and fishing poles
Prayers before bed every night
Coaches and corsages, time to go
Do your best now and hold your head high

Bridge
So much to remember but now I guess I’ve
got nothing to say
Nothing to say since you went away
But you were grinning ear to ear
In the rear view mirror
So hey, what more can I say?

Instrumental
Tag
Nothing to say
Except for maybe stay
Won’t you stay a while?
Won’t you stay?

Copyright 2011 Ordinary Time Music